It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
