Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He felt like a one man threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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