I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
