Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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