yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
she peed on how many people?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
