i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
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I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
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We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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