he shaved USA in his pubs
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
