there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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