Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?