return my video game
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
