Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
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I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
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WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD