No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
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Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
And then the night went full on bisexual.
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just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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