EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
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