the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
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Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
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I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.