I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
