So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Don't say a word.
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.