I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina