I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
