i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
