I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
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pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
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Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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