ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Randomize
