6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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