Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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