Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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