Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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