I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
