I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Sorry about my life...
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
