i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
