Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
he fucked my hip out of place.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
