i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
