i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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