Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
