I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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