So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I wish my penis had an off switch
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
