Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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