k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
