what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
