and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
