Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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