This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize