i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
