the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
