he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
