well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
