So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Enjoy the penises
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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