Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
It's no shave November. This is our time.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
