my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
