Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
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It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
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We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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