i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
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