Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
