just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
