im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Randomize
