A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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