ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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