i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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