My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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