I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
