we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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