Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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