Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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