I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
