Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
