She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
