Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I'm passing your future prison.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
