Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
