Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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