Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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