Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
