so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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