We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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