I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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