went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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