my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
