I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
