I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
