I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
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