There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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