im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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