Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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