when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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