dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
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I have no recollection of sleep choking you
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
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Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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