So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
