sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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