true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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