i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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