Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
