Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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