I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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