I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
