Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
