So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
