take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
