He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
